If we were to frame up a story of “success” in America today, it would look awfully similar to Tony Hsiehs’ story.
Tony Hsiehs built Zappos. He “had it all” according to our vision of success. Wealth, influence and the respect of peers. But, he tragically lost his life. And even more tragically, the tail end of that life seemed to be very dark.
From the outside looking in…we put the “Tonys” of the world on a pedestal. Their wealth and success seem so appealing. We mimic their behavior to achieve what they achieved.
We waste so many hours, days and years of our lives…chasing someone else’s version of success. And what is at the end of that rainbow? A pot of gold? Enlightenment? Or disappointment and disillusion?
I get so irritated reading the hustle-bro comments on Linked In; laughing about “80 hour work weeks were my first part-time job.” They perpetuate this myth that happiness is one bonus check away; if we just hustle for the next three years, five years, ten years…we’ll have money and power and prestige…and therefore happiness! Happiness is promised at the end of their hustle-rainbow.
It’s a lie. Do you know what’s at the end of the rainbow? Whatever you take with you. I’m tired of Hustle-Bros peddling their nonsense that if you don’t work yourself to death…you’ll never be “successful.” Maybe you won't achieve their version of success. But is it your version? Mine?
My grandmother lived to 92. She passed a few months after my birthday and I received one final birthday card from her. I’m not sure if she was trying to pass along one last word of wisdom from a life well lived…or if she was just “thinking out loud” while writing my card. In it, she wrote:
Where has time gone? Unreal!
This is a woman who lived until 92 and still thought that time had flown by. She lived to see her son become a grandfather; she lived to see all of her great-grandchildren born…and some of them grow into young adults.
Yet, she saw how fast time flew by.
Even during quarantine, I continue to see this lie that we’ve had to put “life on hold.” Those of us in quarantine are “living in fear in the basement.” (I have a whole other blog post dedicated to those of you posting this)
Life isn’t about eating at 54th Street. Or the next trip. Or being able to walk around CostCo without a mask. Life is all about choices. And more importantly, choosing our attitude.
Through this quarantine, my family and I have chosen happiness. We dance around the house. We shoot pool together. Colin and I have let our hair grow out…and when it looks really crazy we yell out “Covid hair, don’t care!” We have walks in the basement if the weather is bad outside, sing along to Broadway songs and go out at night for time around the firepit…or sneak around the neighborhood for a caper.
Is it “perfect?” No…we’ve had our meltdowns. We’ve had our moments of frustration. But we pick ourselves up and choose our attitude. We have great memories of this last year.
Yet, where we go wrong, time and time again…is this idea that success in life or even happiness, has to fit into a box. That achieving happiness means big houses, new cars and fancy dinners. In order to be happy, life has to be “ideal.” We’ll never achieve happiness if that’s the definition!
My grandmother lost a daughter. She was the last of eight siblings to pass. A sister had a long struggle with heart disease and another sister spent her last years as an invalid due to a stroke. My grandmother had every right to be bitter about the losses she carried; her life was not “ideal.” But she chose happiness.
Time is short. Whether you live to 92 or tragedy strikes sooner. Living life isn’t about chasing someone else’s version of success and happiness. Life is about choosing happiness despite our circumstances. Whether that means singing Broadway songs together while in the middle of quarantine or walking away from a job that robs your energy.
I am not, however, suggesting we follow the quasi-religion of “positivity;” where we always think positive thoughts. That’s a dangerous path as well. And in fact, after reading Tony’s story…we can see the danger in that philosophy.
Rather we need to realize happiness is a daily decision not an ultimate destination. You can’t hustle your way to happiness, nor buy your way there. If you weren’t happy during quarantine because “my freedom been taken…” you won’t be happy after restrictions are lifted. You’ll magically find something else that’s in your way of happiness and fulfillment.
Because happiness isn’t a destination.
Happiness starts on the inside. With a decision. A decision to live life and find the small joys that surround you.
Don’t get me wrong, we must also mourn and grieve; experience the highs and lows of humanity. But don’t measure yourself against others. Define your own version of success.
In one of my favorite pieces, Desiderata, there’s a line that says:
“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”
My grandmother wondered where time had gone…so, the question I ask you: do you want to spend your short time trying to achieve someone else’s version of “success” and happiness…or pursue your version?
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