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Writer's pictureBrian W Arbuckle

Freedom Begins With Acceptance

Updated: Dec 3, 2024


Most of us have heard of the “Serenity Prayer.” But so few of us embrace its’ meaning:


“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

An enormous amount of us can’t wrap our minds around “accepting things I cannot change.”


I don’t know if it’s an “American” thing, an “age” thing or I’m simply following the wrong social media “influencers” but, the mentality that exists today is in complete opposition to the above. The philosophy today is “if I can’t change something, it’s because I’m not hustling enough. If something isn’t changing, it’s because I’m not putting enough effort or hours into it.”


This mentality is no different than a child running into the ocean and shaking their little fists at the sea telling it to stop producing waves. When the waves inevitably don’t stop…the mighty influencers claim the child didn’t yell loud enough or shake their little fists hard enough. They refuse to believe it’s pointless. They refuse to believe they don’t have control over something.


There’s nothing wrong with effort, nor hustle. But thinking we have control over every variable and if we simply “work more hours” we can control each situation is absurd. And worse? Takes energy away from the influence you can exert over those variables you do control.


Football


Every Sunday during the season, two football teams walk onto the field. One walks off a winner, the other a loser. There are variables each player controls. His effort during the offseason, how much game footage they watch, how engaged they are during practice.


But there are variables that can influence the game that is outside of the players control: Injuries, refs, the weather and numerous others. Any of those variables can impact the game.


Now, influencers and hustle-bros will claim those variables are “excuses” and the team that lost…lost because of effort.


It’s a lie we tell ourselves because the truth is far scarier: We can’t control everything.


We are a speck in the cosmos. Billions of galaxies with tens of billions of stars and uncountable planets.


You can do everything right and still get hammered with an illness. You can play by all the rules and still lose your life on a random Sunday morning driving to church.


Gardening


Over the last few years, I’ve taken up gardening. I like experimenting and I love producing the result. But gardening has had this weird, other outcome: acceptance. I spend countless hours adding soil amendments, weeding, watering and watching videos on how to care for my various plants.


Last year here in Kansas City, we had an incredibly wet summer. My potatoes rotted out. The weather was a variable I simply couldn’t control. I couldn’t out-hustle Mother Nature. I couldn’t “throw more hours” at the problem. I had to accept something outside of my control.


That last sentence is a gut punch to the hustle-bro, ain’t it? It’s so hard to accept variables that we can’t control. So, should we just acquiesce to the universe? We’re just a speck, therefore it’s meaningless? Not at all.


It’s About Allocation


Accepting that there are variables outside of our control is freedom. Freedom to re-allocate your effort and energy into the variables you can control. I can control my attitude, so I allocate energy and effort there. I can control where I invest my time and so I allocate energy and effort into time management activities.


I can control what I learn, I can control the fact that I’m capable of learning…and so I invest there. And so on and so forth. It’s the second part of the Serenity Prayer: Courage to change the things I can.


But the first step into freedom is acceptance; acceptance that there are things you can’t control. Raw hours do not equal more control. In order to change the things that I can change...I have to have the energy and time to do so. If I'm spending time and energy on things I can't change, how do I possibly have the energy to change those things that are in my control?


Your company? May lay you off…even if you work 20 hours a day. Even if you skip holidays and vacations to “crush it.” You are replaceable. Accept that, because it’s freedom.


It’s freedom to reallocate your energy. Do good work, yes…but go home and allocate time to your family. Allocate time to improving yourself and allocate time to enjoying life. Because for millions of people across the planet…today is it for them. The universe is calling them home.


No amount of fist shaking or hustling keeps you from that moment. Your most valuable resource (time) is limited.


Be sure to allocate wisely.

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