We just celebrated Mother’s Day this past weekend and as I was writing a small note to my own mother, I was struck by the commonalities between leadership and parenting.
I was a relatively easy kid to raise, minus the typical emo-teenage drama. I remember my parents making the turn from ‘enforcer’ to ‘Yoda’ right around my teenage years; where instead of punishments, threats and strict rules…they provided guidance, guardrails and cushion for me to fail gracefully.
As a parent of a teenager now, I realize just how hard that pivot must have been for them…and just how similar it is to leadership and management. When we bring on a new hire, especially one that may be new to our industry, it’s important for us to help them understand the politics, rules of engagement and other finite details that they need to be successful. Like having a small child…we teach them to look both ways when crossing a street, not to touch a hot stove; we teach them life’s “rules of engagement.”
However, where we tend to fail in leadership (and in parenting) is making the pivot I mentioned earlier. Moving from enforcer to encourager; from authoritarian to influencer. You see, we don’t want to raise clones, little mini-me’s that do what we want when we tell them to do it. Nor do we want those that we hire to behave and think exactly like us. Our job as a parent is to help our kids discover and become the best version of themselves…not the version of them that we think they should become.
The same is true in leadership.
When we hire someone, we do so because they possess skills, talents and EQ that we believe will add value to the organization. Our job is to enhance those talents and skills and help them uncover and develop new ones, not turn them into mini-versions of us.
To enable those individuals that we hire to contribute fully, we must guide them to the best versions of themselves. The organization already has one of us. We need people with different viewpoints, ideas and skills.
Diversity of thought is the birthplace of innovation.
My son has told me, in rare…splendid moments…that he wants to be like me. And every time I tell him: Don’t be like me. Be better.
The same philosophy must be held if we’re to be successful leaders and managers. We shouldn’t want those on our team to be like us. We should want them to be better; to be the best versions of them, not us.
I’m lucky that I had a great blueprint from my own parents, because I can tell you…”letting go” is not easy. We want to protect people, especially those in our care; and that often translates into a mentality of "do as I do." But there is no learning without failing, no growth without pushing boundaries. We have to let people find their own place and blaze their own path for them to be fulfilled.
In parenting, our job is to provide a foundation, give grace and guidance during failures and offer trust to our kids.
The same is the truest test of a leader: allow your team to tackle problems in their own way, leaning on the foundation your provided…but giving leeway to pursue solutions using their diverse range of skills and talents. Only then can our team be truly successful and those in our care become the best versions of themselves.
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