I continue to see a tired narrative on social media about ‘emasculated men.’
In fact, I saw a post asking what women were looking for in men and one woman talked about men needing to be “manly men” for her to be attracted to them.
Worse, that “emasculated men” are…and I quote…”horrible.”
Let me share some details about me:
My wife out-earns me
I don’t own a single gun
I don’t hunt
I love musicals. Hell, I’ve been in musicals
I really enjoy a glass of chardonnay; and have been known to enjoy a Rose as well
I dress my wife better than my wife dresses my wife
When it comes to putting things together…my wife reads the instructions for me and tells me what to do because I have zero spatial ability
I’m not great at building things, nor can I change the oil in my car
I can walk around with my arms at my side, instead of having such hugely muscles that they are constantly in the air, like the gentleman in the above picture.
By this woman’s definition, I’m probably “emasculated.” And also, “horrible.” I really want those of you who know me to think about that…because of the above bullet points…I’m not just emasculated, but also, and I quote “horrible.” If I'm the definition of horrible...
My wife of 19 years disagrees, but I digress.
You see, there are two actual problems here: society's definition of 'man' and #2, men accepting said definition.
Being a man has nothing to do with how many guns you own. It has nothing to do with going to the bar and beating people up because they dared to look at “your woman.” In fact, our fascination with Alpha-male bullshit is actually the definition of emasculation. By the by, there is nothing wrong with gun ownership. You like guns? Cool! The problem is our thought process "I'm a man. Society tells me men must like guns. I buy guns to fit in." That's emasculation. Living according to someone else's rules.
You see, being a “man” is all about being true to who you are…despite what others expect you to be. Emasculation is conforming to a made-up standard; lying to yourself in order to fit the mold. If I have to “prove” that I’m a man, by engaging in all of these so-called Alpha-male ‘games…’ that’s emasculation! I’m playing some game, to try and prove I’m a man? It’s complete nonsense.
The reason men aren’t feeling “manly” is because they keep trying to live up to all of these societal expectations…all of these made-up rules and pretenses in order to be seen as validated. Real men don’t need society to validate them. We need to stop playing the game.
Being a manly-man is about finding your path, staying on your path and being true to you. I would also suggest that being an adult is the same…and being a ‘womanly-woman’ also requires the same, but, again…I digress.
Women struggle in our society today because they are flooded with unrealistic images and expectations. Men are no different. This whole narrative about emasculation is no different than magazines parading women around in a size zero dress and saying that it’s the standard of beauty. Further, in order to be validated as a woman, you have to have a successful career, a side-hustle, 2.5 kids, a perfect marriage, a large (and spotless) home and be president of the PTA…all while fitting into that size zero!
How exhausting! How unrealistic! And I don't know about you, but, I’m over it.
Trying to fit into another’s mold, into society’s expectation of you is emasculation.
Living life on your terms? Staying true to who you are? That’s the true definition of being a man. Or a woman. Or an adult.
Men aren’t becoming weaker…we’re deciding to walk on our own paths. Therefore, we’re actually getting stronger. Walking our own path despite so-called societal rules? That’s real strength. Conforming is the real weakness.
If others within society don’t like it? That’s a “you” problem, not an opportunity to say we are somehow “emasculated.” Perhaps you need to re-examine your path and the happiness your journey is granting you before pointing out supposed flaws in ours.
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