Reciprocity: the quality or state of being reciprocal : mutual dependence, action, or influence.
There’s a new term floating around the “hustle” crowd, “work-life integration.” The idea is that there is no work/life balance or that trying to achieve that balance leads to more stress. Since work is a part of life, not separate from, we therefore need to integrate work into life.
Cool concept. In theory. One gentleman on Linked In suggested that work should “blend into evenings. Blend into weekends. Blend into vacations.”
This doesn’t sound like integration…this sounds like a take-over. Instead of working-to-live…you are living to work. Work takes precedence. Priority. You find yourself on vacation and your boss needs something? You stop vacation…do the work. Pop quiz time: Do you get to stay on vacation longer because of that interruption? Answer: ha! I mean, no.
My fear is around reciprocity. Many managers fall under the WHYDFML category—What-Have-You-Done-For-Me-Lately. Let’s say Mr. Manager calls you at 5PM Friday night and says “hey, Brian. Huge client needs this report updated ASAP. Can you do me a solid?” You agree and get it done on “your” time.
Fast forward to Tuesday morning. You wake up feeling a little under the weather “hey, boss…I’m heading to the doctor this AM.” Chances are your boss responds with “you’ll need to take PTO for that, per company policy.”
W.T.F?!? “But, boss, remember Friday night? I did that report for the customer until 8PM?” Boss: “that’s your job. And taking PTO for sick time is in the employee manual. And you signed it.”
No reciprocity. The favor you did Friday night? Buys you nothing. No consideration.
This is the problem with work-life integration. It’s not that the concept is bad…it’s that the execution + application is regulated by piss-poor middle managers.
It reminds me of the old marriage joke where the wife says “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine.” These managers promoting the concept of integration are telling you “your time is my time…and my time is my time.” Of course they want this version of integration. Why? It buys them more of your time…at zero cost to them!
In fact, how often have you heard that you are paid to “get the job done?” and if some weeks that means 60 hours, so be it. What if that week’s work only takes you 30 hours? Are you able to leave early? Probably not. You'll be told to find something to do. Or given busy work.
In this new version of “integration” perhaps the job expands from 40-50 hours a week to 80 hours a week. Now, they are getting two FTEs (full time employees) for the price of one.
Great deal for them. But for you?
Absolutely not.
Other hustle-bros out there think “but if I love my job…80 hours a week isn’t really work. I’m doing what I love.”
This is a lie. It’s a lie they tell themselves and you to justify missed dinners. Missed ballgames. It’s a lie they tell themselves while hunched over a computer screen to try and justify their life slipping away. Look, find a career you love. Go do that! But live life! Make time for a ball game. Go on vacation and turn the damn phone off. If 2020 has taught us anything it’s that life is unpredictable and painfully short. Do good work. Dig in and make a difference but then shut down and live some too.
Are there going to be some hiring managers out there that may someday read my post and think “I’ll never hire Brian! He’s not dedicated! Or loyal! Or hard-working!” Of course there are…my message back to them? Thank you. Don’t hire me. Not if this approach to ‘integration’ matches your mentality. PS—Not to sound arrogant, but if this is your mentality, chances are you're going to need me far more than I need you.
Until middle managers learn to manage beyond the “butt-in-seat” KPI, the idea of work-life integration is scary. Because it will lead to a one-way street…you bending, your manager not. You giving consideration and getting none in return.
Until managers let go of their time-watching management style…”integration” will continue to mean giving more and getting less. "Integration" requires a different approach to management and I don't believe we've coached and enabled middle-managers to support this new philosophy.
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