I managed to take a few personal days during the holiday week. I, unfortunately, peeked at Linked In and according to gurus, coaches, thought-leaders and some C-Suiters, during this “down time” I should have been:
Reading professional books
Watching TED Talks
Reviewing 2019 KPIs and goals; setting 2020 KPIs and goals
Making 50 cold-calls a day; even on Christmas Day (this was a real post! The person suggested that not everyone is religious, so, it’s just a quiet day to try and get someone on the phone)
Closing a $15M deal while “having the flu.” (Again, real post here guys! First of all…I had the flu a few years ago. My wife debated whether to take me to the hospital. I can assure you, there was no “closing deals” on my end. So, either this guy is full of crap…or, he had the “man-flu” read: a cold).
So, with all these amazing choices on PTO last week…what did I pick?
None of them.
Not a damn one. Zero. Zip. Nada.
Look, not that those activities don’t have merit (well, except for the 50 cold calls on Christmas and the “flu” thing), but where’s the balance? Are these gurus, thought-leaders and C-suiters posting these thoughts to “prove” something? Or maybe they are thinking a company out there will see the post and say “gosh, they are go-getters! Let’s hire them!”
I once saw a “go-getter” post that he loves coming back from PTO early so he can turn his out-of-office notice off…he loves his customers so much that he hates vacations. Seriously?!? I can’t figure out if that’s just show-boating, virtue-signaling or something much, much worse.
I digress. So, what did I do instead? I went to the movies with my kid, went shopping with my wife, played board-games with the family, binged a few Netflix shows and even played video games.
According to these gurus, thought-leaders and C-Suiters…I’m doomed to be unsuccessful. While they were “crushing it” I was slacking. I better go invest in some cardboard and markers so I can stand on a street-corner for food.
Give me a break. Where’s the middle ground? When did “a strong work-ethic” come to mean 80-100-hour work weeks vs a solid, dedicated 40? How did we get from working to live being acceptable, attainable and the ideal to living to work?
The Rise Of Extremism
Welcome to the era of extreme. An era where the middle ground no-longer exists, and “compromise” is a dirty word. Balance is seen as weakness. We need look no further than politics to see how extremism is infecting society.
Go online and post one of these sentences: I’m a democrat; or I’m a republican. Wait and see what happens. For the democrat one, you’ll likely get called a socialist, snowflake, tree-hugger, hippie, gun-stealing Anti-American. For the republican one…racist, sexist, misogynist. And many other “ists” that I missed.
We’re incapable of seeing middle ground in politics and it’s no different in the business space. In one camp, you have those claiming 80-100-hour work weeks are “part time jobs” and you should be hustling more…and on the other side of the fence, you should buy into the 4-hour work week movement otherwise you’re just a mindless drone.
Meanwhile, those of us in the middle are slackers or slaves to the system…depending on which camp is calling us out.
I don’t mean to sound like a modern day Jedi, but where’s the balance?
I want to do meaningful work. I want my work to contribute. I want to challenge myself and learn new things. But not to the detriment of everything else! The last 10 years or so has seen an enormous shift from working-to-live over to living-to-work.
No Judgement?
Within many of these posts around work-life balance, many call for “no judgement.” You’ll see someone say “if I love my job that much and want to work 100 hours, why does it impact you?”
Great question. The answer? Because these people may end up managing you.
Picture this: Your new manager is someone who rose through the ranks while working 100 hour work weeks…what do you think their expectations of you are going to be? When they are the first in and last out and they see you packing up at 5 PM? Do you instead pack up at 6 PM? 7 PM? Miss dinner...again and again?
Before you submit your PTO request you realize your boss never takes a vacation…do you hesitate? Tell your family “this year isn’t a good year?” Do you sneak away from Christmas dinner because your boss just texted you?
The problem with the “no judgement” sentiment is that it enables and encourages extremism; normalizes it. And if that person becomes your leader…it becomes a “you” problem. And you either conform or clean up your resume.
One Life
I want you to take a look at the picture at the top of the page. Tell me…who was successful? Drove the best car? Worked 100 hour work weeks? Crushed it? Who was a slacker?
You get one life. When you die...no matter the hours you put in, your company will replace you. You. Are. Replaceable. Our ego won't let us believe it...but it's so very true. And so very freeing.
Let's say you don't care about being replaced, that the extreme hours are something you want to do…love to do and need to do? Look to nature for your answer about balance. Water is good and in fact…necessary for us, right? Drink too much of it…and you can die. Oxygen…kind of need it too. But again, too high a concentration of oxygen can damage lungs and kill you. Exercise, over do it and it can lead to kidney damage and, you guessed it…kill you.
Nature gives us example after example about balance, about the ebb and flow of life. The busy bees of spring and summer surrender to hibernation and rest in the winter.
None of this is to say that hard work is “bad.” It’s the extremism of work that is bad. Ignoring your health, your family, friends and yourself in favor of pursuing some extreme measure of “success” is going to damage you. And if that doesn't bother you, you are also damaging those around you. Your kid needs you in their life. Present. Not just “there.” Your employees will model your behavior, falling to the same damaging pattern you're creating.
I look around and see too many parents at games, recitals, coffee shops with their kids…there, but not present. On their devices. Responding to emails. Taking calls. That’s damaging.
We do the same to our spouses. I’m guilty of it too. I can think of a couple of vacations where my wife threatened to throw my phone into the nearest body of water if I responded to one more email. I was there, not present. She was right. I was wrong. And I’m grateful she helped me pull my head out of my ass.
When your identity is defined by the hustle-culture versus going out and becoming who you are meant to be, you’re living someone else’s lie. Not life. Living their lie.
Perhaps there are recruiters or companies reading this and eye-rolling…thinking I’m not a fit for their “hustle-culture…” I’m totally cool with that. Move along. I've got my cardboard and markers...I'll somehow survive without working at your widget company.
The work-culture that understands that a well-balanced you, is the best version of you…is the right culture. These organizations recognize that the best version of you is going to bring more value to them than a fabricated version trying to live up to some extreme version of what gurus, thought-leaders and C-suiters believe success looks like.
You have one life. Live it on your terms...not someone else's ideal.
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