When we last were together – I posed the question “What’s Next?” That was the end of July. I had watched Colin graduate. Gone to Europe with him to celebrate high school ending and spent the summer playing games, buying college supplies and all the while – pretending he wasn’t actually going away.
Since then – he did move away and is wrapping up his first semester at Mizzou. He landed an internship with the university’s sports communications team. He found a church home. He’s gone on a few dates and is doing well in all of his classes (well, just don’t ask him about Calculus II. He’s doing well, but, he gets a little rage-y about it).
What about us? Marly and I took our first ‘just us’ trip in over a decade. That was weird. We’ve gone down for Parents weekend and Homecoming. And just enjoyed a full week with Colin over Thanksgiving – and that flew by. But up next is a long winter break!
In my last post – I talked about ‘not being settled.’ So, am I? Not really, no. Colin being away hasn’t become our new normal yet. We countdown the time between our next visit. But, in that same post I said I needed time to reflect on how I did as a dad. Watching Colin go through this initial college experience has answered some of those questions.
He has introduced himself to all of his professors. He landed the sports internship on his own and is very diligent about working while balancing academics. He’s maintaining great grades, meeting new people and even thinking about moving off-campus his sophomore year. He had a conversation with his academic advisor who has recommended Colin dual-major (he’s thinking economics) and potentially applying for the accelerated Masters program in statistics. This is a lot of big thinking and actioning for someone who just turned 18 this past spring.
Though – I may have suggested he go to an actual party on Halloween in which he said “did you just tell me to go to a party? Aren’t you supposed to tell me NOT to party?” Maybe my parenting skills are getting rusty. At least I did OK on the front part of this parenting gig.
As I’ve had the chance to do some reflecting – I’m not sure when the ‘new normal’ settles in. I have talked to other empty-nesters who are giddy at their new-found freedom and I’m…I’m certainly not feeling that way. I still miss my buddy.
But old advice I’ve given Colin has come back to me – in the past, he and I have talked about life-changes. Going from middle school to high school; or high school to college. And in those conversations I shared with him that different isn’t necessarily good nor bad, just different. And that’s where I’ve landed. This change – him being away – isn’t “good” nor “bad” it’s just different. It is its’ own thing. Its’ own experience.
There’s a quote that goes – comparison is the thief of joy. Usually it applies to materialistic things…like “hey my nice car isn’t as nice as my neighbors car…therefore I don’t like my car anymore.” But I think it also applies to stages of life. If I compare this stage to when Colin was a baby…that comparison robs this stage of life of its joy.
It’s this reflection that has been the most profound. Have I perfected that mentality? Nope. I still miss my kid and I still have my sad moments. But the reflection has certainly helped. And over time, my hope is that I compare less and stay present more.
Until next time.
Comments