Who You Are

This pandemic has been uncomfortable for a lot of people; they are having to re-discover their identity. They are trying define their sense of self.

Too many people identify themselves as their job: “I’m Bob, an engineer.” Or “I’m Jane, a doctor.” Or even “I’m Molly, a mom.”

One of the easiest (and most dangerous) traps we fall into during life is being identified by what you do, not who you actually are. So many people are now struggling with their identity because the job has changed so much, so quickly. Their sense of ‘self’ is completely upside down.

Many of us have fallen into the trap. We’ve been told to find not just a job…but a purpose; a calling. Our work should be our passion. On the surface, it makes sense. If we’re “stuck” working somewhere 40-50 hours a week (or more), shouldn’t it be our passion? Shouldn’t it “fulfill” us?

Perhaps not.

We should find meaning in our work, no question. But should we find our purpose in our work? Should we look for who we are in our work?

What happens to the road-warrior who can no longer travel? No longer wine-and-dine? No longer be in different cities each week?

What happens to the mom who no longer goes to play groups, cooks meals or when her babies grow up?

What happens when the job that defined you…furloughs you or lays you off?

You lose you.

Employers don’t want to hear this…and frankly? I don’t care: I am not my job. My job? Is not “my purpose.” Nor is it my passion.

I was put on this earth to do more than “market” widgets. That doesn't mean work can't fulfill us. That doesn't mean that we can't be excited and driven in our jobs.

But you are more than a job. Doesn’t matter if you’re a scientist, doctor, CEO or Founder. You are more than your work. You are more than your accolades and you are more than your paycheck.

You can bring your passions to your job. Perhaps your compassion drove you to becoming a doctor or nurse…use that compassion! Perhaps your curiosity drove you to become a scientist…use that curiosity! Maybe your love drove you to become a stay-at-home parent…use that love.

But you were compassionate, curious and loving before you were those titles. Those titles didn’t make you…you. And this is where we go off-the-rails; we put the proverbial cart before the horse. Your job didn't make you compassionate, you already were...which led you in a direction. Your compassion makes you good at what you do, not the other way around.

In high school, a teacher shared a poem by Dale Wimbrow called “The Guy In The Glass.” A few lines are incredibly appropriate:

“And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test if the guy in the glass is your friend.”

“But your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the guy in the glass.”

If you get the chance, read the whole poem. It’s worth the 60 seconds.

Who we are is not what we do. We may “do” based on who we are…but don’t let the gurus and the influencers tell you that you should be defined by what you do.

Be defined by who you are.