I want you to picture this scene with me:
You’re in a meeting with your team and your boss asks you for an update. You begin to speak and your boss cuts you off; telling you to ‘stop’ multiple times, talking down to you and puts his hand up in front of your face. In front of your team.
Later that day, you go to your boss to ask a question and your boss starts asking 100 different questions and demands“why aren’t you giving me all the details” while huffing and sighing loudly.
At the end of the day, you go back to your boss to wrap up the earlier conversation and you’re armed with all the details. Your boss cuts you off “why are you wasting my time with the details” again, huffing loudly for all to hear.
You don’t have a boss…you have a bully.
A solid manager has a cadence that you can catch onto and follow; setting clear expectations to reduce time and friction when you’re working together. Some bosses do want all the details, others want you to distill it down. But there’s a typical cadence that you can anticipate.
Bullies like to keep you off guard, so you look bad and they look good. It’s about power to them. It’s about keeping an upper-hand and being able to humiliate you.
I’m not a fan of bullies. At all. Whether in schools or workplaces. It used to be that if you gave a bully a solid right-cross on the playground the bully would stop, but we can’t really do that in the workplace. So, how do we survive a bully…who is also in a position of power?
It’s simple and hard at the same time.
We never want to stoop to their level because that only reflects on us. Pushing back will only give the manager ammunition. A manager can make or break a job. So, when we find ourselves with a bully for a boss, we have to ask ourselves one question:
Can this person change? Are they capable of changing?
Have you ever run into the phrase “pushing water uphill?” It means the task is hopeless. Changing a bully is like pushing water uphill; especially when that bully happens to also be your manager. Can people change? Sure. But, how much of your limited time and emotional energy are you willing to invest in the hopes that this person changes?
Some may say this next piece of advice is cowardly, but it sends a loud and clear message: find another job and quit. When a manager loses enough good people it sends a clear message to leadership that something is broken.
Work is stressful enough without dealing with a bully. There is no salary, job or opportunity that exists out there that is worth having your own self-value belittled day in and day out. The bully’s job is to convince you that you aren’t worthy of better; that you aren’t worthy of respect. They are wrong.
Staying in a situation like the above isn’t brave or courageous or something to be applauded. If your company does exit interviews? Make it clear that while you enjoyed the opportunity and the job itself, your manager made it impossible for you to be your best self in that environment.
It’s the truth and the company needs to hear the message. Leaving a job is never easy, but if you can’t reach your full potential, for whatever reason (including having a bully for a boss), you owe it to yourself to find an environment that will enable you to get there. Life is too short to be miserable.
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